I know this isn’t really the kind of thing I normally blog about, but I felt so moved by this picture, I wanted to share it with as many people as I could. It is an image of 18,000 soldiers in training, waiting to be shipped off in World War I. Words fail me:

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A Celtic Wisdom triad names three fears that weaken our hearts: fear of speaking the truth, fear of wretched poverty, and fear of evil being done us.

I was pondering what to do in my local community and when I read these words, they seemed a message from the gods. These are exactly the three fears that have kept me fairly “in the closet” with my faith. I have been afraid of what would happen if I “spoke the truth” openly and freely about my faith. I have been afraid of business for our small law practice drying up, people slashing our tires and egging our house, picking on my young son at school.

Those are the things I fear by coming out. But, living with those fears has its own price, too. I know what the triad means by “weakening the heart.” I feel it.

So, I intend to move forward with my plans to make Cypress Nemeton a real place and a real presence in the community. That will be a long time coming, but it will happen. Some day, maybe soon, all of this will attract the attention of someone — the local media, the local church, who knows. It will happen. And I will not be afraid.

The last post here was over two months ago. So much for my “two posts a week” plan. I am not sure where I am going with my Internet Presence, really. Our first forum is pretty much wound down and our second one, the subject of the last post here, never got off the ground. I just shut it down a few minutes ago, having gotten tired of just cleaning out porn spam every day. I knew it was aimed at a pretty small target audience, but I guess I didn’t realize just how small.

I think this blog will get off the ground again once I have answered a pretty important question: what the hell am I doing? What am I trying to accomplish? What niche am I trying to fill? What is the focus of this blog, or purpose?

Once I have figured that out, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, I do have some ideas for articles rattling around in my head, which I’ll post as I get to them.

I haven’t seen the movie Jesus Camp yet, but I’ve seen this video about it, and I am aware of the phenomena: children being brainwashed into joining an army for Jesus. I don’t know why, but I thought that somehow I was far removed from this… until today.

This morning, I went to “show off” day at the day-camp we sent our four-year-old to. It was designed to show the parents what the children have been doing the four days of the camp, and give some recognition to some of the children for their achievements. Now, I have to admit that I knew the day-camp program was sponsored by a Christian group, but I had no idea it would be like this. I mean, the YMCA is a Christain group, too, as is the Boy Scouts. You don’t expect recruiting into the Jesus Army at a cub scout meeting, though.

The first thing we saw at this parents day was a clown act, which featured magic tricks tied to various religious lessons, such as “don’t seek revenge,” and “God will forgive your sins.” It was cringe-worthy, but relatively mild… until the last “magic trick” which actually involved our child as a volunteer after he whined a bit to be allowed to participate. At the end of the trick, the “magic” wouldn’t happen until he said to the entire assembly: “I love Jesus.” He seemed a bit reluctant, much to his credit. Still, I was disgusted, and furious.

Then we had the pleasure of hearing the different camp groups give their camp cheers. Our son’s group had one in which they said they were soldiers for Jesus. Another one had four-to-six-year-olds chanting the words “sin” and “death.” I don’t remember the other two groups’ cheers, but they were pretty much the same. All I could do was sit there, open-mouthed, thinking: “what have we done!” We grabbed our son and left as quickly as we could. Needless to say, he won’t be going back next year.

On the way home, I broke down in tears, but we did a pretty good job at hiding our distress from our son. My wife gently asked him questions about his experience. It turns out he thinks Jesus is some man who cured ten guys of chicken pox. Also, he thought the “chapel” time was pretty boring. He doesn’t seem traumatized by it, so I don’t think there was any damage done, but it did cause me to think more about how to involve him in our faith.

We don’t want to handicap him by making him a freak the other children would make fun of, but we don’t want him brainwashed by strangers, either. We are very much “in the closet” where we live. Nobody but the few other pagans in town know we are anything but “God-Fearing Christians.” We involve our son in rituals, though, and let him make offering to the spirits and gods, and teach him about virtue.

He doesn’t understand that what we practice is different from everyone else, but the day is coming where we can’t hide our differences from him or from the outside world any longer. We had put that day off as long as we could, and maybe we still can a while, maybe even another year or two. I’ve played “the talk” in my head since before he was born. It’s the big talk where we explain to him what we are and how we are different. That’s going to be a lot harder to talk about than sex, I think. And the day I’ve dreaded is coming soon. He is very intelligent. He will start asking questions soon. It just doesn’t seem to me a four or five year old should have to deal with these issues. All I can do now is fervently pray to the gods for guidance.

Last week, I was tagged for a meme by Ali. The gist of this meme is that I tell folks what my major, ultimate, lifetime, shoot-for-the-moon, spiritual goals are.

Ali writes about her spiritual goals. As I consider this a “spiritual” site, it makes sense for me to do the same. But, I am reminded of Zen’s “goal of goallessness,” so part of me thinks that all goals are fundamentally un-spiritual. Being goal-oriented is counter to being spiritual, to some brands of spirituality. Putting that aside, since Zen really isn’t my model of spirituality anymore anyway, a spiritual goal would have to be something related in some way to my “spirituality” or “path” or “religion,” I suppose, but where does one draw the line? Especially when considering that I don’t, or try not to, make distinctions between the spiritual and the everyday, “spiritual goal” might be a bit redundant.

To the ancient Celts, there was no separate word for “religion,” as we understand it. It was just part of life, interwoven into everything. My spirituality informs how I see the world and shapes my desires and actions in pretty much every aspect. So, I intend to discuss all of my lifetime-dream goals, however spiritual or “un-spiritual” they may seem, but they are, in fact, very spiritual to me. They come right out of my Celtic-based philosophy of life.

1) Financial Security

It seems to be a popular goal. I don’t care much about being rich, but I do want financial security. That is living with no, or very manageable, debt; having sufficient assets to absorb major upsets in our lives and give some degree of flexibility; and having a dependable and steady source of income. Right now, I have a long, long way to go.

The first part, getting out of debt, is pretty self-explanatory. Debt is a chain around your neck — it’s a slavery. The second part, assets, would be to have enough liquidity to live for about three months with no income. The last part, I have fairly well covered by developing multiple useful skillsets. I am an attorney and training to be a firefighter and EMT. Attorneys may be able to make money, but nobody has every heard of a shortage of attorneys or a demand for them. Medical and emergency trained personnel are always in high demand, and would be even moreso in bad times. I’d also like to develop other useful “production” skills. I want to know how to make things. I don’t know exactly what, yet.. just.. you know… “things.”

2) Prepared for Emergencies

I want to be adequately prepared for a major catastrophe. I am talking about the “End of the World as We Know It” kind of emergency preparation. I want to have a year of food and supplies stored, and the ability to defend it. I want to be “off the grid,” having our own electricity and water generation. I want to be an expert at wilderness survival, primitive technology, agriculture, “1890’s” technology, and any other skill I can think of that would help wean us from over-dependence on technological and governmental infrastructures. I don’t have any illusions about being “totally independent,” though. I would want to develop interdependent relationships with a close-knit local community. That’s what kept people alive for thousands of years.

3) Skilled Warrior

I want to be an expert with every weapon I own, and own quite a collection: rifles, shotguns, pistols, crossbows, knives, spears, swords, and anything else that may be useful for defense of my family and is legal to own. I also want to be well proficient in unarmed combat. I have some Kung-Fu training, but I am thinking more along the lines of pragmatic combatives-style training. I don’t care about certifications there, just want to know I can kick ass if I needed to.

4) Ordained “Druid”

I want to be a Druid Priest. Basically, I want some kind of external, objective validification. I think by any functional criteria, I am a “Druid,” but, yes, I want some kind of certificate that says so, too. Call it ego. It is. But I think the drive for community recognition, “glory,” “honor,” is an important drive. It helps us reach for betterment as a people and is an adaptive trait for our survival. When I was a Buddhist, I tried to fight that drive. Now I embrace it. That is probably one of the major differences between my spiritual outlook as a Buddhist and now as a Druid. Now, what kind of certification do I want? Of course, $15 and a stamp will get me an ordination with some “churches.” But, I am thinking ADF. They have a rigor to their standards that would make such a certification mean something to me.

5) Physical Fitness

I want to be physically fit. Right now, my method, and measure, of physical fitness is found in the sport of parkour. I want to be able to walk on my hands 10′, run 2 miles in 17 minutes, scale a 10′ wall in 3 seconds, and jump from a one-story roof onto concrete without injury. As incredible as those may sound, I see them as quite do-able. I have already developed a level of skill and fitness I didn’t think possible for me a year ago. I do want to get my bodyweight down to about 210 lbs or less (about 25 lbs to go), but mainly because the other things really aren’t possible with the weight I have now.

6) A Prepared Son

I want my son to be well rounded in his education and highly capable and responsible when it is time for him to make his own way in the world. I want him to have the same outdoor skills I am working on. I want him to be as skilled as an Eagle Scout and knowledgeable as a Rhodes Scholar. He is only four right now, but he is well on his way. I think he is showing more aptitude with numbers and language than I had at his age, and a strong and noble heart.

7) Published Author

I want to write a book. More to the point, I want to have a book I write actually published, and not by some vanity press, either. I am thinking it would be some philosophical work. Maybe it would be styled as a “self-help” book, I don’t know. It seems that’s what it takes to get published: write a self-help book or romance novel, and I don’t see myself doing the latter. Who reads philosophy anymore? But self-help, especially when it has a good dose of pop-philosophy in it, seems to sell. I intend to write for my own benefit, to help me organize my thoughts and ideas. But publishing is about prestige, really, and ego-trippyness.

So, that’s the future idealized me: Fiacharrey, the (in)famous pagan writer, philosopher, outdoorsman, warrior priest. The future, beware!

Oh, right, gotta tag some folks, don’t I? Meh. I don’t feel like it right now. I might tag a few folks and edit this later.